Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut, Sometimes you're a Health Nut :D

I started running again a few weeks ago, and I began taking a multivitamin today. This is the second time I've attempted the multivitamin. Let's hope it becomes a habit this time...

And Another

I've been in a slump lately. I've said that before. It has come and gone over the past year, but lately, I've lacked almost all motivation with school and work as I contemplate, "Why am I really doing this. I don't want to do what I came here for anymore?"

Then, I delved into Bukowski last night. For the first time in quite a while, I actually read for pleasure. Today, after a late start to my morning - 11 a.m. - OK, I'll say mid-day, Modest Mouse's Bukowski escaped from my iPod.

Coincidence, or is someone trying to tell me to pick up the pace?

Bit of Inspiration

Roll the Dice
by Charles Bukowski

if you’re going to try, go all the
way.
otherwise, don’t even start.

if you’re going to try, go all the
way. this could mean losing girlfriends,
wives, relatives, jobs and
maybe your mind.

go all the way.
it could mean not eating for 3 or
4 days.
it could mean freezing on a
park bench.
it could mean jail,
it could mean derision,
mockery,
isolation.
isolation is the gift,
all the others are a test of your
endurance, of
how much you really want to
do it.
and you’ll do it
despite rejection and the
worst odds
and it will be better than
anything else
you can imagine.

if you’re going to try,
go all the way.
there is no other feeling like
that.
you will be alone with the
gods
and the nights will flame with
fire.

do it, do it, do it.
do it.

all the way
all the way.
you will ride life straight to
perfect laughter,
it’s the only good fight
there is.

Coincidentally

Life, lately, has seemed as though I've been swept up in a never-ending Déjà Vu. I have been swirling about in an enormous black hole exposing so many memories, emotions, hopes that I haven't thought about in a very long time.

I believe, coincidentally, I Heart Huckabees did it for me. It did me in. And now, I find myself, after watching it again, finding ties to long-lost friends, old dogs, and evocations of good 'ole sibling rivalries popping up on a daily basis. The film is garbage. But it's the kind of garbage you can't look away from - comparable to the urge one finds themselves giving into while skimming the pages of the latest US Weekly while leaning on a fully-loaded cart in aisle 3.

My latest, greatest, stimulus came Wednesday as I was uncomfortably late to an 11 a.m. class - one I should most definitely be up-and-adam for without any problems, but am continuously shlepping along to 3 times a week. I saw, well, I thought I saw an old friend - my best friend growing up. This best friend, I haven't spoken to in four years, and we haven't been friends for a good eight. However, I never stopped caring, or worrying, and I wish, sincerely, she knew that I am still here for her, always.

Later that day, I signed on to AIM, as she was as well. Her name was on my Buddy List, but I don't remember placing it there, or ever speaking to her. However, it was obviously hers with it being her first and last names abbreviated. I froze. My mind went blank, and then ran. It went in circles, through tunnels, to cross country meets, elementary holiday parties, and sleepovers complete with the original Exorcist and the infamous slumber-party game Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board. But I couldn't say - rather, type - a sentence, a word, a single syllable - "Hi!" I wondered if my screenname popped up on her list. Would she have said, "Hello?" Was she frightened, too? Still, I felt like a coward.

That same night, it was Horror Movie Night with the boyfriend - old school style. Well, it was old school for me. I saw Wes Craven's Scream when I was in the fourth grade, and it was the scariest thing in my world, at least. This brought her to mind as well, because the first time I saw it was with her by my side. We ate tortilla chips and salsa on her mother's living room floor. I picked out the tomatoes and peppers. Now, I've grown to like them.

She shaped me. I haven't stopped thinking about this "coincidence" since, and I wish I knew exactly what it is I'm supposed to see. I hope she's OK. Next time that door opens through my desktop speakers, Lord, give me guts.